Rachael and Aaron Meir met as freshmen in college and were married six years later. Several years into the marriage, Rachael wanted to explore her bisexuality, and they decided to open up their relationship. In 2019, the couple met Kasey Kershner through Bumble, and the relationship eventually developed into a committed polyamorous triad. The throuple now lives together in a house in Gulfport, Florida.
“The No. 1 question we get,” Aaron says, “is how we sleep.” The three share a king-sized bed, and while some elements of their sleeping arrangements were unanimously agreed upon, others required a bit more adjustment and compromise. “It’s like, ‘Well, we sleep in a bed; there’s just more people,’” Kasey explains. “But there are definitely more complications with an additional person. And the dog.”
On keeping cool
Kasey Kershner: The three of us sleep in a regular king-size bed. We have an eight-pound miniature dachshund as well, and she sleeps with us a lot. So it gets a little crowded, but obviously sleep time is the time to be close and reconnect with your people. We live in Florida, so it’s hot. We actually have an overhead fan and a floor fan, and both pretty much have to be on high.
Rachael Meir: Luckily, we all prefer to be on the colder side while sleeping. So that hasn’t been too problematic.
KK: Rachael and I go back and forth every night on who sleeps in the middle. Aaron can’t sleep in the middle because he gets too hot.
RM: If Kasey or I have to get out of the middle, we have to navigate very carefully, crawling out the top and right through the center and trying not to wake anyone else up. We know another triad where they were working on developing a zipper sheet because you get stuck in the middle and you need to be able to get out to breathe or stick a leg out. We don’t have it yet, but that would be very helpful in our situation.
KK: If we lived somewhere less warm, a cozy, cushy flannel sheet would be my jam. You can’t do a flannel sheet in Florida. So now we just have regular cotton.
RM: Kasey and I would also both love the really soft jersey sheets.
Aaron Meir: I cannot stand jersey sheets. No way. A big static-electricity cloud is what I turn into with the jersey sheets. High-thread-count Costco cotton for the win.
RM: Costco is our go-to. They tend to have good, high-quality stuff for cheaper, so we usually check there first for almost anything.
On negotiating the mattress
KK: We have a memory-foam mattress that somewhat mitigates the movements of a lot of people in the bed. I definitely like a more soft, squishy, pillowy feel. I like to sink into the mattress. We have a spare bed that’s more my preferred feel — it’s very cushy and soft — but that didn’t necessarily work out for everybody else.
RM: Due to pain from a car accident, I do better with a hard mattress.
AM: Yeah, firmer mattress for me too.
RM: We ended on one that was a compromise between hard versus soft. We were trying to find something that was close to the previous mattress Kasey had. There was a bit of an adjustment phase because Aaron and I both would have preferred a harder mattress, and we had to get used to something that was softer than what he and I had had alone, but we were willing to give it a try.
KK: Do we have a mattress topper?
RM: We put it underneath.
KK: Oh right, it used to be on top, but it was too squishy for them.
RM: We tried the topper because the mattress was a little harder than what Kasey would have liked, but it ended up being too soft for me. We read somewhere that putting a topper underneath the mattress when you have a bed frame with slats could help absorb the compression and make it a little less squishy, but I’m not sure if it actually made a difference.
On having seven pillows among them
KK: We tried to get a uniform pack of pillows, and that did not work. So I have my specific pillow, Aaron has his specific pillow, and Rachael literally has three or four pillows that she cycles through for her head. And she also has a second pillow that she puts under her arms, like a body pillow. That’s like a whole other person in between three people.
RM: Any pillows with a therapeutic benefit are for me. I have neck issues, and I’ve gone through a whole range of pillows trying to figure out what would help with neck support. I tend to have one that works well for some amount of time, and then I begin to have more discomfort again, so I’ll try something new. Sometimes I’ll go back to an old pillow after more time has passed. I’ll have one pillow under my head and neck and then I’m wrapped around a body pillow too. Aaron is very much all about the down pillow — he likes the squishiest ones. Kasey is a more in-the-middle, soft-but-firm person.
On their individual bedtime routines
RM: All three of us pretty much wear the same pajamas to bed. Aaron is usually in boxers and T-shirt. Kasey and I stole some old boxers of Aaron’s — we call them our sleeping shorts — plus a T-shirt as well.
AM: You guys used to use the VR goggles for meditation.
KK: We did use the Oculus, or the Meta headset, to do meditations. But now, when Rachael and I do audio meditations at night, we share a pair of earphones to do that.
RM: We do have a white-noise machine. I got it for my office — I’m a therapist, so it’s to block out sound when I’m doing sessions with clients. But it has different settings and one of them is for sleep, so we’ll use that, especially if there’s a guest in the house or we’re traveling.
AM: We joke about our Chomper Labs night guards that we all use.
RM: Aaron was the first. He had jaw pain that led to him to getting a night guard, and he paid a lot through the dentist initially. And then both Kasey and I were suggested to get one for clenching and grinding. He researched and heard about Chomper Labs, which ended up being a super-easy at-home kit for a ridiculously lower cost compared to what he was paying for at the dentist. So we decided to both try it, and they worked out great.
KK: Sometimes I’ll do your sleep spray, but it’s pretty infrequent. But if I’m wired or I know we have to get up early and I need to get to sleep quick, I’ll do melatonin.
RM: I work with a nutritional-network marketing company, and they happen to have a melatonin-based sleep spray I’ve been using for a long time. I also take edibles because I have a medical marijuana card for pain. I’ll go for anything that’s close to me or has a deal as long as it’s indica, which helps with sleep. It tends to be more calming, and it helps with relaxation and sleepiness.
On bedtimes
KK: We tend to go to bed at 10:30-ish, and we all usually go to bed around the same time.
RM: Because Kasey and I rotate every night, we usually just know who’s in what position, so if someone comes to bed later, their spot will be open. Usually going to bed is a joint experience. But it can be challenging if someone wants to go to bed earlier or someone is up longer. For cuddling, it’s whoever’s feeling whatever they’re feeling. There’s no rules or switching back and forth. Sometimes if Aaron falls asleep right away it might be Kasey and I. Sometimes she’s snuggling him and I’ll snuggle her. If the dog comes in the bed, then she might separate us.
KM: At night, Rachael likes to watch shows on her phone because she’s not tired and she doesn’t want to go to sleep. So Aaron and I are turned away, trying to hide from the light.
RM: I didn’t know that.
KK: Sometimes. But we also all mess around on our phones for a while.
RM: We have a headboard with a ledge on top of it and long-enough cords that drape over it for the middle person to plug their phone in.
KK: Typically Aaron will put his phone down first, then I’ll put my phone down, while Rachael’s still …
RM: I have the worst sleep hygiene habits.
On waking up
KK: I’m not a morning person. I would rather sleep in; they would rather get up and go to the gym. But ultimately, when you have two people getting up out of bed, you’re most likely going to wake up anyway, so I can’t really stay asleep past when they’re leaving.
RM: Sometimes it’s three separate alarms. We just use the ones on our phones. We’ll all get up at whatever time we need to, whether it’s exercise or a work meeting or something. But usually whoever’s alarm goes off first is going to be waking up the others.
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